A few of you who have chronic illness are shrieking inside at this moment…”how could you ever suggest I embrace my struggle?” Then you might add, “You have no idea what my life is like…what I’m going through.” And on that point, you would be right. I don’t fully understand your reality.
But here’s what I do understand about chronic illness. I know the kind of pain that makes you feel like you absolutely do not or cannot think of moving. I know what it’s like to have parts of your body move without your control. I understand what it’s like to watch your child struggle for breath or writhe in pain. I know what it’s like to get extremely ill in a matter of minutes in a highly unpredictable way. I know what it’s like to have doctors say it’s all in your head. I understand what it feels like to be afraid of what each day or moment could bring. And I know what it’s like to have a loved one with mental illness in the family. I don’t know your particular struggle. But I know that even though the details are different, our journeys likely look much the same – we have some form of struggle.
Daily I read Facebook posts from people who have questions about their illness, who are sick and tired of being sick and tired and who are sometimes doing everything in their power to escape the hold illness has on them. Of course, for anyone who has an illness that is truly curable, these thoughts are not for you. The thoughts that follow are for those of us whose illness has no cure and will not go away. I write this for those who are dying to escape their illness and who push against it so hard that they’re declining instead of improving.
Here are three reasons why I choose to embrace my struggle with chronic illness:
- I can spend my time feeling sorry for myself OR I can spend my time feeling joyful for the good in my life. It’s really easy to feel sorry for yourself. I have moments when I feel alone and incredibly sad about this darn illness. Sometimes, it’s even the illness speaking, as chemistry wages war inside my body. When those moments come, I breathe deeply and remember that things do not always look so bleak. (If you are someone who has not just moments of sadness, but days and weeks without end…please, please go see a doctor or therapist. There is a better day.) But aside from those moment of distress, daily I choose to look up and find the good in my circumstances or relationships. And even when money has been tight or when I’m in an illness flare, I can be thankful. Even when I can’t make sense of my medical bills or I have to stay home from a special event at work because I’m not okay, I can find happiness. It is possible to CHOOSE an attitude of joy…and the feelings will follow.
- I can spend my life wishing for what I don’t have OR I can spend my life living out of the abundance I do have. Every time I watch my family leave for an evening of entertainment without me because I am sick that night, I have a choice to make. I can wish my life were different, or I can spent my time enjoying what I do have. Sure, it’s difficult to miss out on things. That’s real. But when my family leaves and I am alone, would it help my illness more to spend the night crying or to spend it laughing at a bad movie? I choose laughter. I choose to appreciate what I do have. A great puzzle on my phone. Or a Facebook session. What do you do when you’re confined to your house or bed? You can make a choice that promotes personal health and live a life appreciating abundance.
- I can spend my energy frantically seeking a way out OR I can spend my energy peacefully creating a way through. This one is the clincher. And to be clear, I am absolutely in favor of personal health research, self-advocating for the best care, and periods of trial and error with appropriate treatments. But each of us has a choice when we face illness. We can choose to act as if life is squishing us like a bug…and we need to struggle with all our might against a force much larger than us. Or we can choose to act as if life is gently holding us…and we must only find the rhythm with which we need to move. One picture leaves you exhausted, anxious and afraid. The other leaves you searching, moving and resting. I choose the latter. I choose to work hard to find the best way forward AND rest hard in the knowledge that choosing peace and acceptance of my personal limits actually offers me freedom. It makes me strong!
That’s why I embrace my struggle with chronic illness. Because if I don’t, it will always get the better of me. But if I do…I am the one in charge. I am the one who is strong.